Are You There God? It's Me...Katie

For those that know the real book, "Are You There God?  It's Me, Margaret" by Judy Blume, you probably know that the story follows a young Margaret as she deals with issues plaguing every young female.  It's a must read for all girls from 10-12...or in my case, when I was 22.  And now that I've finally dealt with the issues addressed in this novel, I'm wondering where the hell Judy Blume's next book is.  You know, the one that deals with the traumatizing question all single people in their mid-to-late 20's ask:

How does this man have a significant other yet I'm currently not dating someone?  The book would be called, "Are You There God?  It's Me, Katie....and I'm Wondering Why You Hate Me So Much."  

Seriously, as my friend Liz pointed out while WATCHING the documentary about this man, not only does this guy have a girlfriend, but he has a girlfriend who picks up his rolls of fat and cleans out the areas that haven't been in contact with sunlight for 10-12 years.  I just threw up, partly because I envisioned myself cleaning his rolls, but mostly because I throw up when I feel bad for myself.

I'm sure all of you are thinking the following:

1) Are you really that vain?  The answer is yes.  No one that weighs 7 times more than me should be dating someone when I'm not.

2) Maybe his girlfriend is morbidly obese.  The answer is no.  She's actually of a respectable weight.  And she's cute. 

I'm 2.5 years away from being 30.  This guy is 6 months away from a heart attack.  Who has it worse?  I'm not really sure.  

Things That Are Awesome: Coulats. "The Grind" Workout Video. And This Blog.

When I was 12 years old, all I wanted was a sweatshirt from the trendy boutique in town that said, "Armonk, NY 10504" on it...a play on the name of that cleverly titled show, Beverly Hills, 90210.  Was the sweatshirt particularly flattering or made of a high quality material?  No.  But I liked it because everyone else had one.  Fast forward 15 years and my desire for that sweatshirt eerily reminds me of my desire to start a blog.  Do I think my blog will flatter my figure or be made of high quality material?  Probably not.  But I'm doing it because everyone else does.  Plus, my therapist said it's a good way for me to express myself.    

Readers, I'm going to open up to all four of you.  Really lay it all out there.  I'm scared.  I'm scared that Mr. Holland's Opus will never get the credit it deserves as one of the greatest movies of all time.  But more than that, I'm concerned that this blog will forever consume my life.  

As of today, I'm 27, I own a dog, a condo and have a respectable job at a real estate company.  Yet as of tomorrow, I will no longer focus on work, but instead on this blog.  What was once a promising career in real estate will turn into a casual hobby.  And what was once supposed to be a fun hobby will turn into an obsession.  A horrible obsession with blogging that will lead to unemployment, homelessness, a love of felines...and prostitution.  Mark my words, it will happen.  

Until that day occurs, let's just focus on what's really important: my blog.  I truly foresee that this site will create the same sort of hysteria as the swine flu, although I will see an immediate drop in readership due to my strong popularity in Mexico.  Crap.

Innovative.  Groundbreaking.  F'ing stupendous.  Just a few words that will never be used to describe this site.  

Next post - the literary works of Shel Silverstein.  Brush up on A Light in the Attic over the next few days.